If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted; musicians denoted; cowboys deranged; models deposed; tree surgeons debarked; and dry cleaners depressed?


If you took all the people who fell asleep in church, and laid them all end to end, they would probably be more comfortable.


THE PROBLEM WITH FLORIDA: A minister in Florida lamented that it was difficult to get his message across to his congregation: "It's so beautiful here in the winter," he said, "that heaven doesn't interest them...And it is so hot here in the summer...that hell doesn't scare them. --from parables, etc. --submitted by David E. Okerstrom --M.


A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?

I'm fine." "What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the Doc fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Oh yeah?

Well what about that hook? The last time I saw you had both hands."

"We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," said the bartender, "what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye." "You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird crap!" "Well, I really wasn't used to the hook yet."


I don't think of it as "single", I think of it as "romantically challenged".


Q: How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to screw in the bulb, and one to say, "I fail to see the humor in this."


The personal computer market is about the same size as the total potato chip market. Next year it will be about half the size of the pet food market and is fast approaching the total worldwide sales of pantyhose.